A Generous Parable

Have you ever been hungry?
Really hungry?  Dead cold hungry? 

Sometimes a driver will throw me their left-over Taco Bell.  You eat the taco or whatever and you look at the hot sauce, you pocket it.  You can get a good day or two before that hot sauce starts to look like dinner.

Wendy’s… there you can get crackers and ketchup.  It’s not a bad meal, its kinda like cold pizza.  You can go a week or better. And its not as much work as dumpster diving.

Oh, don’t do that.  Nothing makes me feel more pitiful than pity.  This is life.  Some people got it all, fast cars, big houses, all that.  The ones who got it, get pretty good at keepin’ it. 

It’s just a role of the dice. Mom always said life’s a role of the dice.  “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.”

Or at least that’s how I seen life till a couple weeks ago.

I was standin’ at my usual spot and my “see if you can hit me with a quarter” sign wasn’t pullin’ too well.  I was exhausted, but my belly wouldn’t shut up, so I sat on the guard rail.  Your stomach don’t rumble so bad when you hunch over.   The sun was runnin’ over sunset hills, and I was getting cold.  I had a little bag of crackers in one hand and a packet of ketchup in the other, and I’m about to start in to dinner when…
This guy pulls up.  Nice car…  but it was his eyes that got me.  Most folks look through ya, but He was looking right at me and his window was already down.  Like the guy knew I’d be there.  

He says, “Hungry?”

What?

He says, “Are you hungry?”

I think I must of nodded or something cause then the guy says, “Get in.”

I mumbled something and the guy repeated himself, “If you’re hungry, get in.”

Everything in my life...  Every car I’d ever gotten into before was yellin’ at me “Don’t get in.”  You don’t know this guy…  He wants something…  But that night my stomach was screaming louder.  I figured maybe he’d take me to a restaurant, so, I got in the car.

I’m looking around for the door handle, but this guy’s got his arm hanging out the window tapping his thumb on the wheel to the music.  We drove for a while and the guy was asking questions.  

“So, tell me your story,” he says.
I talked and the guy listened. I told him how I get by.  I dined –n-dashed once I said but it was horrible.  I never felt so alone… takin’ from good hard workin’ people.  So alone it made me sick.  

We turned a corner and pulled up to a big house.
I was shrinking in my seat, but he said, “Hey, it’s ok, you’re welcome here.”
We went inside, and I remember thinking the place was crazy, but somehow it felt like a real home too, you know.  No… that’s not it, I mean, it smelled like a real home… like someone had been cooking all day.

He invited me to sit down at a chair at the end of a massive oak table.  And he pulls up a chair to my left and asked, “So, How do you fill your days?”  I figured he wanted to know what I do, so I told him about how I used to lay carpet, did it for a good 2 years, but the markets gone south with hardwoods around Portland and all.  I’m telling him about the day my boss let me go, well, nearly killed me… I had to leave you know… 

and then I look down realize I’m about smashing those crackers and ketchup still in my hand. 

“What ya holding onto?” he says…

“Ahhhh…” I wanted to lie about it, tell him it was just some garbage, but I didn’t want to lie to this guy.  My face is turning flashing hot and I feel embarrassed, but I tell him anyway…

“It’s my dinner.”

“You mean our dinner,” he says with a half-smile.   

And then he reaches out his hand, “may I?”

I’m sitting there in that chair, but on the inside I’m already at the door and out onto the street. I don’t wanna give this guy my stuff, you know?  But again that night for reasons I don’t get… I give him “our dinner” and he starts to open those mangled crackers.  

He’s taking out these broken crackers, and a tidal wave of delicious smells washes over me.  This guy’s family has started to fill up the table with food.  Good food.  Somebody brings out this heaping dish of roasted vegetables and my stomach is singing to get a taste of the garlic mashed potatoes.  And then a pork roast and the apples and nutmeg from the roast are dancing in my head.

The guy takes one piece of cracker and squirts some of that warm ketchup on it, and then another which he gives to me.  He pops it in his mouth and says, “Hmmm, Not bad, kinda like pizza.”

The table is overflowing now with food and the room with people.  There’s people talking and one gal in the corner about to crumple onto the floor she’s laughin’ so hard.  

It’s like a party, but I don’t get why these people don’t see I don’t fit.

I was sinking in my chair again when the guy leans over and says, “I know a guy who might have some work for you, a couple days a week at first, no big deal… and no worries if it doesn’t work out.  I’ll give him a call in the morning.”

At that moment, the question hits me like a ton of bricks that I haven’t been able to shake for the last few weeks since.

“Who does this?” “Who opens their home to a broken, bottom of the barrel, bum like me?”

The guy let me stay at a rental house he owns until I can get a place.   

I started work last week at his friend’s shop, and man… it’s the best gig I ever had.

I guess “you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit,” right?

Driven by Generosity

People who know me know I love to drive. A few years back, a friend of mine invited a few of us to join him at a sports car dealership outside of business hours for a tour of some of the fastest production cars in the world. We sat in a Ferrari, marveled at the enormous engine of the Lamborghini and smelled the new Italian leather of a pristine Maserati. 0 to 100 mph in three seconds, these cars were built to be driven.

In a similar way, our lives were designed for high-performance generosity. We have far more horsepower for generosity than most of us tap.

Three principles to put your generosity into high gear:

1. The gears of faith and fear move us

Much like a car, our lives have gears which drive us forward or pull us backward. When we give our fears undue voice, its like putting our lives in reverse. When we give faith and trust their proper place, its like putting our lives in drive. Much like a car, we were meant to spend most of our time going forward. These basic motivations move us to all sorts of behavior.  Do you know the fears that drive you? Is there a way to exchange those fears for faith? Who might be able to help you with that?

2. Challenges convert into fuel for optimism

I have a confession: I didn’t use to be an optimistic person. The pain and struggles of life kept me guessing about when the next bad thing would happen. Some days worry kept me focused on the “what if’s” and it was at times debilitating. What if I fail? What if I let people down? What if I never get a fair break?

Then something happened. I started to take a real look at the major influences on my life. I began asking questions like “Why am I a driven person, and what can I do to live a more sustainable life?” and “What can I do to understand and address my basic fears?” In seeking answers to these questions over the last few years, I’ve come to notice how much possibility lies dormant in each day, how much potential rests in each person, and how much my perspective influences my present. By God’s grace, facing my challenges squarely has resulted in a more optimistic outlook on life. What challenges from your past are defining you today? How might you face those directly?

3. Generosity is where the rubber meets the road

I’ve met hundreds of truly generous people in my life, but I’ve never met one generous pessimist. It’s when we can’t see past our own needs that generosity becomes onerous. Ah, but when we notice the possibility inherent in each day and recognize that every person we meet matters, life is simply more full. You can’t contain it. It’s easy to give out from a life that’s overflowing. Like the right tires for a high performance car, is your generosity right-sized to match the powerful blessings of your life?  If you feel like you're spinning your wheels, maybe its time for a few modifications.


Life is at least as much about the trip as it is the destination.  I wonder what we'll discover along the way?

See you out on the road!

Hero Sum Game

Mel and Ray on a Sea Safari in the Howe Sound

Life is not a zero sum game. This assumes that if I am to gain, then someone else must lose and it persistently asks "What’s in it for me"? For many people, this is their view of the world.

A few people view the world differently. They look for opportunities to invest in the lives of other people. They give away wisdom, time, and money.

This morning I just boarded a flight to Vancouver B.C. and will soon take a ferry to Keats Island for my final week of the Executive Stream of the Arrow Leadership program. When I began my Arrow journey over a year ago, Mel Finlay, my leadership partner took the time to listen to my story. Over the last year, Mel has invested many more hours of listening, wise counsel, and prayer on my behalf. Mel met with me  monthly via Skype, flew thousands of miles to be with me and others at three residential seminars each six days in length, and Mel and his wife Susan have prayed for my family each week over the last year. As volunteer Leadership Partners, they each do this for three Arrow Leaders in my class.

In case you’re wondering, Mel does have a day job. He and Susan lead a ministry in Canada called Nation at Prayer. They spend time with Canada’s top politicians for the purpose of supporting the nation’s leadership in prayer without regard for political party.

Mel has served as a pastor, an Executive coach, and a CEO of a large non-profit. He has experienced his share of bumps and bruises in life but has come out the other side with a generous heart. In a season of challenge and change for me, Mel's wise counsel has been a gift. He pushed me when I needed it, poked at areas of my life that needed to change, and invited me to greater trust in God.  My journey has been transformational.

I’m different than I was a year ago. I’m stretching for higher goals, reaching deeper into my family, and engaging more opportunities to speak into the lives of those around me.  Mel has been a key part of that process.  I've received something of great value and I intend to share it with others.

Thanks Mel

P.S. While I was checking in today, the airline agent noticed that I had three "bags" my laptop, a small suitcase and a coat bag. She politely asked me to step out of line and consolidate my bags or I would need to pay a $25 fee. As I moved toward the back of the line to try and consolidate, a woman in line said “I only have one bag, I’ll take one of your bags.” When we see life as an opportunity to give rather than get, we live healthier, happier lives.

Generosity Embodied

Generosity is a person.  Have you considered that each night as you sleep and every day when you're away from your family there are men and women who are trained and stand ready to lay down their lives for you and those you love?  When Police, Firefighters, Emergency Medical Technicians, and Federal agents go to work, they recognize that today could be the day they are called to make the ultimate act of service for someone they do not likely know.

What if getting ready for your day included mentally preparing yourself that you may die today in fulfillment of your job?   The stress that First Responders encounter in the normal course of their work takes its toll.  Not only do First Responders regularly sacrifice their health and well-being on behalf of public safety, but they are subjected to professional stressors that can be overpowering to them and their families, ultimately setting them up for dysfunction and failure. The end results are staggering…

Did you know?

	Divorce rates at some Departments are as high as 84%
	1 out of 4 Responders struggle with Alcoholism
	10%-30%of Responders suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
	Responders are twice as likely to die from Suicide, than in the Line of Duty
	The life expectancy of Responders is 15 years less than the general population

I just had the pleasure of meeting Trey Doty Executive Vice President at Responder Life.  Trey shared with me about the challenges that First Responders face and how Responder Life helps these men and women engage life's ultimate questions.  As a faith-based organization Responder Life exists that every First Responder and their Family be given the opportunity to respond to the most important call of their life.

This month a memorial was conducted in Portland, Oregon that recognizes the service and sacrifice of U.S. law enforcement. The annual commemoration was established by a joint resolution of Congress in 1962.

Below is a list of the fallen Portland officers honored during the memorial.

• Thomas G. O’Connor - August 29, 1867 - Gunshot
• Charles F. Schoppe - June 13, 1874 - Gunshot
• Samuel S. Young - September 23, 1908 - Gunshot
• Albert W. Moe - January 9, 1914 - Gunshot
• James R. White - November 17, 1914 - Directing traffic
• Ralph H. Stahl - January 27, 1915 - Gunshot
• James C. Gill - November 30, 1915 - Gunshot
• John J. McCarthy - July 21, 1916 - Vehicle accident
• Glenn Litzenberg - April 19, 1918 - Motorcycle accident
• Jerome Palmer - November 17, 1920 - Gunshot
• James Wright - 1921 - Pneumonia
• Robert E. Drake - October 11, 1930 - Fall from building
• Charles M. White - June 30, 1934 - Struggle during arrest
• Phillip R. Johnson - May 9, 1941 - Gunshot
• Charles E. Vincent - March 22, 1942 - Directing traffic
• James A. Hines - November 4, 1945 - Directing traffic
• Gilbert Horton - December 23, 1946 - Heart attack
• Roy E. Mizner - February 18, 1956 - Vehicle accident
• Vernon J. Stroeder - February 18, 1956 - Vehicle accident
• Roger L. Davies - April 18, 1961 - Motorcycle accident
• Robert P. Murray - May 2, 1962 - Motorcycle accident
• Robert R. Ferron, Jr. - May 23, 1964 - Vehicle accident
• Stephen M. Owens - September 23, 1973 - Vehicle accident
• Dennis A. Darden - August 9, 1974 - Gunshot
• David W. Crowther - December 27, 1979 - Gunshot
• Stanley D. Pounds - July 18, 1984 - Vehicle accident
• Thomas L. Jefferies - July 21, 1997 - Gunshot
• Colleen A. Waibel - January 27, 1998 - Gunshot
• Kirk R. Huffstetler - May 26, 2002 - Vehicle accident

The next time I get pulled over for a ticket (which I'll likely have earned), rather than thinking about the cost of the ticket, I'll be considering the cost which that officer pays to keep those I love safe.

Question:  What would it look like if you approached your work with the level of commitment that first responders do theirs?

Generosity's Baby Steps 2.0

Last month I wrote about Generosity's Baby Steps.  Specifically I shared that if we begin with thankfulness, and look around us to see needs we could help meet, we will grow in generosity.

I'd like to recommend two additional steps toward generosity balance:


1.  Give from your abundance. Maybe you have an abundance of time, or perhaps you have been entrusted with more wealth than you need.  What will you do with it?  Will you spend the excess on yourself?  Will you watch for others in need and give to them?  Will you grow through the process of giving?

 

We are prone to live careful and calculated lives, never risking too much, rarely asking for help.  The problem is there is no life in that kind of living.  The journey of life is most full when we are most free.  Free from fear of loss, free from fear of failure, and free from slavery to our possessions.  Generosity is the only antidote for greed.  Consider the freedom that might be possible for you through a generous life.
 

2.  Receive in your need.  One of the best ways to understand generosity is to receive from others in your time of need.  Needs are a sign of life and growth.  We all have them.  When we are willing to share our needs with others, we actually engage in a greater depth of relationship.  When someone wants to give you a gift the right response is to say thank you and to receive the gift with gratitude.  When we do, we grow to understand the power of a gift to transform a life, and we can be inspired to give to others.

Let me encourage you to be transparent about areas where you have a need.  Perhaps you need help with putting a new roof on your house.  Ask for help.  Perhaps you need help to put food on the table this month.  Share the need with others who may be able to help.

These steps are super simple to understand, but can be difficult to practice. 

Question: How will you practice giving and receiving today?

Dignity Thief

Recently I was approached by an old man with a gray beard who asked me if I could spare some change.  We were in the middle of a food court in a large shopping mall.  I said "No, I'm sorry I can't help you".

Then the man walked slowly and over to another person nearby.  She was reading a book and had earphones on.  The slender old man asked her if she could spare some change.   

When he did, she immediately barked (and that is a kind description) "NO, GET OUT OF HERE"!

Reinhardt Søbye "The Old Beggar"

The old man, who was downcast when he walked up to here shrunk a few more inches. His shoulders seemed to slump below his chest, his head bowed low like a dog caught begging at the table and his eyes fell to his feet as he shuffled away.

It took me a minute to process what had just happened.  Perhaps she was concerned for her safety.  But it was a very public place, with lots of people and security around.  If there was going to be a fight, she looked like she could easily take the old man. No, she was not afraid.

She was mad.  I don't know why she was so angry that he had asked.  Maybe it was because he had asked her for help repeatedly.  Maybe she had a father who had run to the streets to live off of others.  Maybe she was a self-appointed mall officer to drive away needy people.  I don't know.

What I do know is that she robbed the old man of his dignity that day.  Instead of choosing to not give, she chose to take something from him.

Generosity brings joy when it permeates our life.  I'd like more generosity to be present throughout my day as I drive in my car, as I talk with my spouse, and as I meet strangers.

Question: Where could you be 5% more generous?

Weighing our Motives

For the last eleven years I've worked with thousands of people encouraging them to live a life of generosity.  Weighing our own inner motivations about giving calls for discernment. Here are some of my observations from meeting with people regarding their giving.

Three Valid Reasons to Avoid Making a Gift:

When the gift would be harmful to those we have a responsibility to provide for
If you often give to others of your time or money, but neglect to spend time with or provide for your own family, something is wrong. Check your motivation, perhaps "over-giving" may be more about you than those you are trying to help.


When the gift is likely to be squandered
Some people simply don't have a track record of stewarding well what they've already been given.  Look for signs of faithfulness such as demonstrated impact of past gifts, growth in the life of the person or organization, and an attitude of gratitude. Sometimes a gift (particularly of cash) could actually be more harmful to a person than helpful.  To give $5 to the man begging at an intersection who smokes like a chimney between lights and is dying of lung cancer is not a gift.

When the gift is about you
We can be prone to give in order to feel better about ourselves.  It's as natural to give to feel better as it is to go shopping to feel better.  When our own happiness is our motivation for giving we fail to see the blessing for the recipient and can miss out on the greatest joy of making a gift.


Three Excuses We Make To Avoid Making a Gift:

"I'm not a wealthy person."
Generosity is a posture, an attitude, an openness to life.  Everyone can give in some way and if you give, you will find more opportunities and resources to give.  It's never about how little you have, its always about what you do with what you have.  If you're concerned that if you give you'll have less, consider what you may stand to gain by being a generous person.

"People could misuse my gift."
This is always a possibility and at times it's highly likely.  Weigh the risks and see if they are real or imagined. If you tend to find yourself worrying about people misusing your gifts to the point that you rarely give, remember that your responsibility is to be a good steward, and when you give, the stewardship responsibility transfers to the recipient.




"I'm just not a generous person"
This gets at our identity.  The fact is that all people carry the image of God who is creatively, abundantly, exceedingly generous.  If you're not a generous person, you will likely be dissatisfied with many aspects of life because you are not living out of your true identity.

Did you notice how close the excuses are to valid reasons for not giving?  These matters call for real discernment and we are not very good at judging our own motives.  I find real help through prayer, reading the scriptures, and talking with other people about my stewardship decisions (particularly my wife).

Question: How do you decide when to give?  Is there a good question you ask yourself or others?