Weighing our Motives

For the last eleven years I've worked with thousands of people encouraging them to live a life of generosity.  Weighing our own inner motivations about giving calls for discernment. Here are some of my observations from meeting with people regarding their giving.

Three Valid Reasons to Avoid Making a Gift:

When the gift would be harmful to those we have a responsibility to provide for
If you often give to others of your time or money, but neglect to spend time with or provide for your own family, something is wrong. Check your motivation, perhaps "over-giving" may be more about you than those you are trying to help.


When the gift is likely to be squandered
Some people simply don't have a track record of stewarding well what they've already been given.  Look for signs of faithfulness such as demonstrated impact of past gifts, growth in the life of the person or organization, and an attitude of gratitude. Sometimes a gift (particularly of cash) could actually be more harmful to a person than helpful.  To give $5 to the man begging at an intersection who smokes like a chimney between lights and is dying of lung cancer is not a gift.

When the gift is about you
We can be prone to give in order to feel better about ourselves.  It's as natural to give to feel better as it is to go shopping to feel better.  When our own happiness is our motivation for giving we fail to see the blessing for the recipient and can miss out on the greatest joy of making a gift.


Three Excuses We Make To Avoid Making a Gift:

"I'm not a wealthy person."
Generosity is a posture, an attitude, an openness to life.  Everyone can give in some way and if you give, you will find more opportunities and resources to give.  It's never about how little you have, its always about what you do with what you have.  If you're concerned that if you give you'll have less, consider what you may stand to gain by being a generous person.

"People could misuse my gift."
This is always a possibility and at times it's highly likely.  Weigh the risks and see if they are real or imagined. If you tend to find yourself worrying about people misusing your gifts to the point that you rarely give, remember that your responsibility is to be a good steward, and when you give, the stewardship responsibility transfers to the recipient.




"I'm just not a generous person"
This gets at our identity.  The fact is that all people carry the image of God who is creatively, abundantly, exceedingly generous.  If you're not a generous person, you will likely be dissatisfied with many aspects of life because you are not living out of your true identity.

Did you notice how close the excuses are to valid reasons for not giving?  These matters call for real discernment and we are not very good at judging our own motives.  I find real help through prayer, reading the scriptures, and talking with other people about my stewardship decisions (particularly my wife).

Question: How do you decide when to give?  Is there a good question you ask yourself or others?